Someday
by ducktapedmoose
Summary: Harm finally talks to Mac. Can he fix things? CONCLUSION IS UP
1. Advice From a Friend

Someday  
  
Disclaimer: They're not mine. If I owned them...Never mind. I don't own them.  
  
Author's Note: Hey, guys. This is just a typical 'Harm-is-sad-about-losing- Mac-so- decides-to-do-something-about-it' fic. I wrote this before Shifting Sands (Which was a huge disappointment) aired, so it's a different take on Harm not being at JAG. I hope you guys like it. ______________  
  
She told me this morning. I was at home, getting ready for my first day of work for the CIA, and she dropped by my apartment. She was already dressed in her Marine green uniform, looking prim and proper as usual.  
  
"Harm," she'd said, "I wanted to tell you in person that Clay and I are together."  
  
"Why?" I had asked her, although I knew perfectly well why. It was because he could admit what he felt for her and I couldn't. She hadn't flinched, nor had she lost her temper. Calmly, she said,  
  
"Because he's told me that he loves me, and I want to explore the possibilities with him. He almost died to save me." And with that, she was gone, without so much as a backward glance.  
  
Now, in my shock and, well, let's face it, despair at the news that my best friend delivered to me this morning, I forgot to put up a fight. Forgot to mention that I had risked, and, as it turns out, lost everything dear to me by coming to find her in Paraguay. I lost the Navy, I lost flying Tomcats, and most of all, I lost her.  
  
I also forgot to mention that I want her and love her just as much, if not more than, Webb does. Just because I'm emotionally stunted, I've lost out on what could possibly have been the best thing to ever happen to me.  
  
So now, home from my first day of working for the CIA, I sit sipping a beer and staring at the wall of my dark apartment. I don't know what the hell I'm doing. Maybe I should talk to somebody?  
  
Yes, that's what I'll do.  
  
----------- Sturgis' Apartment Washington, DC 1903 EST  
  
Sturgis opens the door and smiles, clearly happy to see me. Clearly.  
  
"Hey Harm. Come on in!" He says, enthusiastic and gleeful, like I've never seen him. I smile a little and walk in, accepting his offer to sit on the couch. He sits in the recliner across from the couch, grinning like an idiot.  
  
"So, how's it going? How is the CIA?" He asks me. Looking at the floor, I chuckle.  
  
"The CIA is okay. It's no JAG, though." I tell him. He grins and nods.  
  
"Yeah, well, you could probably still convince the Admiral to take you back." He says, hinting so obviously at what he thinks I should do. Smiling, I nod.  
  
"I'm seriously considering it. Why are you in such a good mood?" I ask him. He chuckles.  
  
"Come on, man. Don't tell me you didn't have anything to do with that sparkle in Mac's eye today, those dozen roses on her desk..." He laughs. Sobering instantly, I tell him,  
  
"Actually, I didn't. That's what I came here to talk to you about. She came over this morning to tell me that she's with Webb. He must have been the one to put the 'sparkle in her eye'." I mutter, only half as bitter as I wanted to be. Sturgis stops smiling.  
  
"What? Well what did you say to her?" He asks. Shrugging, I sit back on the couch.  
  
"I asked her why, and she said that he could admit his feelings for her. It's as simple as that." I tell him. His mouth drops open and he gapes at me.  
  
"What?! You mean to tell me that you didn't tell her when you were in Paraguay saving her life that you love her?!" He exclaims. I blush and nod sheepishly.  
  
"Yeah, that's what I'm telling you. I didn't tell her. I thought I had plenty of time." I say, starting to sound as crushed as I feel. Sturgis shakes his head.  
  
"Damn, Harm. You know the woman's in love with you, right?" He asks, looking up at me.  
  
What?  
  
"Obviously not, Sturgis. She's with the jackass that keeps on almost getting her killed. If she loved me, she would have waited." I say. Sturgis, who is now trying valiantly to contain his anger, stands up.  
  
"Harm, you are a Grade-A idiot. She does love you. Did it ever occur to you that it hurts her to wait for you? Did it ever occur to you to take her feelings into consideration for once? She told me that she is in love with you, in no uncertain terms, and you let her hook up with Webb? Damn it, Harm." He says, shaking his head.  
  
"What? She loves me?" I ask, dumbly. That's what he just said. Sarah MacKenzie loves me. Sighing, Sturgis turns to me. He's as exasperated as I've ever seen him.  
  
"Yes. I wasn't supposed to tell you, but I guess that doesn't matter now, does it?" He asks angrily. I can't say a word. He continues, "Why didn't you tell her? Now she's with this Webb guy, who almost died for her, and you're left all alone, without the Navy, and without her. What the hell are you going to do, Harm?"  
  
"I-I don't know." I admit, near tears. I've screwed myself over this time, haven't I?  
  
"Harm...God, man. You love her, don't you." He states, not really asking me. I nod.  
  
"Yeah. I do." I say. Sturgis looks at me.  
  
"She was engaged to some Australian guy a while back, right?" He asks. I nod again.  
  
"Yeah. Mic Brumby." I tell him. He nods.  
  
"And you didn't do anything to stop her from marrying him, aside from dumping a Tomcat in the Atlantic?" He asks again. I shake my head.  
  
"No. Nothing, really. Why does that matter now?" I ask him. Scratching his chin thoughtfully, he responds,  
  
"Well, do you think she would have married him if you hadn't crashed? No, don't answer that. Buddy, this time you've got to put up a fight for her. She hasn't fallen out of love with you in the three weeks that she left for that mission. You've still got a chance, if you're just honest with her. You can't just let her walk away, even if it is all your fault. Go over there right now." He tells me.  
  
"What? What if Webb's there?" I ask him. He gestures to the door with his hand.  
  
"Ask to speak to her privately. But whatever you do, don't back down and do not lie to her, or hide your feelings. Don't let her say no to you, unless you can tell she's really serious. You know her that well, right?" He asks. I nod.  
  
"Yeah." I tell him. Sturgis looks at me.  
  
"All right, man. This is it. Go, right now, it's not too late. Don't be afraid."  
  
Nodding and thanking him profusely, I walk to my car and then drive away, towards Georgetown.  
  
This is it.  
  
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AN2: So, what did you think. I love reviews. (Hint hint) Anyway, I'm still trying to decide whether or not to post more 'Never Say Never', but I don't know. Part of me thinks that it would ruin it, and another part of me really wants to make things awkward and weird between Harm and Mac, then fix everything at the end of the fic. I just don't know. Anyway, count on more chapters of this one, okay?  
  
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	2. Talking and Drinking

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Disclaimer: Nope, don't own 'em.  
  
Author's Note: Somebody reviewed and said that they were ticked off at the 'chapter' posting. That people shouldn't 'beg for reviews' before they've posted the whole story. Why don't I post a whole story, but instead do chapters? Because personally, I don't have time to read a 6000-9000 word story. I do have time to read chapters, and I figure that most other people are the same way. Anyway, that's why I post my stories chapter at a time. Thanks to all of you that reviewed positively, that was greatly appreciated.  
  
I've decided to not do the alternate chapter thing where she picks Webb, and Harm in different chapters. I don't have time to do that, and I don't know if I can write Webb/Mac. I'm pretty sure there aren't many Mac/Webb fans reading this story, so I'm not worried about making anybody upset. Anyway, sorry for talking so much. Here's your next chapter. Hope you like it.  
  
----------- Mac's Apartment Georgetown 2035 EST  
  
My palms are sweating, my heart is pounding. I knock on her door, praying that Webb's not here. Please, God, I've never asked you for anything. Let this work.  
  
Clayton Webb opens the door, a bandage on his head and a cast on his right arm. His face is still scratched up, but looking much better than the last time I saw him. My heart falls, as does my mood, when I see him.  
  
"Rabb. How are you?" He asks. I nod to him.  
  
"Webb. I've been better. Is-Is Mac here?" I ask. Narrowing his eyes a little, he nods and turns back into the apartment, calling out,  
  
"Sarah, could you come here?"  
  
She comes out of the kitchen, wearing a pair of plaid flannel pajama shorts and a white tanktop. Her hair is tucked behind her ears, her bare feet making no sound on the carpet.  
  
The look on her face when she sees me will be forever burned into my memory. Her eyes are wide, her eyebrows high. She didn't really expect me to just let go of her like that, did she?  
  
"Harm. What are you doing here?" She asks me, her tone warm but not too warm. I take a deep breath, suddenly feeling very foolish and uncomfortable under the gazes of Mac and Webb.  
  
"I-uh, can I talk to you privately?" I ask her. She glances at Webb, then nods.  
  
"Yeah, sure. Let's step out in the hallway." She says, sliding past Webb and turning to him before closing the door.  
  
"We'll only be a minute. Why don't you check on the pizza?" She asks him. He nods and limps off towards the kitchen as she closes the door. Turning to me, she looks at me expectantly. I clear my throat.  
  
"Um...I-I wanted to talk to you about...Can I have another chance? Please, I'll do anything." I plead. I've never stuttered that much in my life. She frowns.  
  
"Another chance at what?" She asks. Clearing my throat again, I look into her eyes.  
  
"Another chance with you. I realize that you've moved on, that you're with Webb, but I can't let you go without a fight." I gulp, taking another deep, shuddering breath. "I love you, Sarah."  
  
Her response is classic. Her mouth drops open, her eyes widen, and she stares at me before deftly breaking my heart.  
  
"Harm, you're only saying that because you're jealous of Clay and I." She says. I nod eagerly.  
  
"I am jealous of you and Webb, but that's not why I'm telling you this. I'm telling you because I really do love you. You mean more to me than anything in the world, that's why I came to Paraguay to find you. I was having these awful nightmares about losing you, about that last conversation we had before you left, and I just had to come find you. I would have died if something happened to you." I say, finally finding the words that I've been looking for to say to her for so long.  
  
Her gaze has softened, her chocolate-brown eyes are dark with an emotion that I've seen there a hundred times and can now identify as love. She still loves me.  
  
"Harm, I can't just-This is so hard." She mutters, trying to gather her thoughts.  
  
"Sarah, I know that you still love me. I know that you feel the same way for me as I do for you. Please, don't do this to us." I beg of her. She looks into my eyes, hers are torn in indecision.  
  
"Harm..." She whispers, tears gathering in her eyes.  
  
"Sarah, please. Think about it. Please." I whisper, reaching up to wipe away a tear that has escaped from her eye. Instead of shying away from my touch, she leans into it. Then she nods.  
  
"I will. I will think about it." She whispers. Then she draws away from me, glancing at me one last time before going back into her apartment.  
  
I take a deep breath, rubbing my thumb and forefinger together, feeling her warm tears in between them. Smiling faintly, I turn and walk down the hallway, back to my car.  
  
Now all I can do is wait.  
  
------------------ McMurphy's Bar Georgetown 2120 EST  
  
Sitting at the bar, I take another sip of my Cherry Coke. Somehow, it just didn't feel right to drink alcohol. Not now, not while waiting for Sarah to make her decision. Maybe I'll just stop drinking altogether. I don't know.  
  
"Rabb."  
  
The voice startles me, but when I look over, I see Clayton Webb getting into the stool next to me. He orders a Gibson, then turns to me.  
  
"You may have ruined the best thing in my life tonight." He says, matter-of- factly. I nod.  
  
"I know. But I won't say I'm sorry." I respond, taking a drink of my soda. His drink arrives, he takes a sip and looks at me again.  
  
"So you finally realized how wonderful she is." He says. I shake my head.  
  
"I knew that all along. I'm just now realizing how blind I've been all this time. I've been in love with her forever." I tell him, still staring forward.  
  
"Yeah, well...You're not the only one in the world that loves her." He says, a little bitter. I nod.  
  
"I know that. But she loves me, too. I can say that for sure. Can you?" I ask him. He sighs, shakes his head.  
  
"No. She's been thinking about you all day. I can tell, it's in her eyes. When we were eating dinner, it wasn't me she was thinking about. She was somewhere else, as usual. And that's usually with you." He says. Sighing, I nod.  
  
"I'm the same way. I need her, Webb. She's all I have." I say. His nod is barely percievable out of the corner of my eye.  
  
"I know. I know. I didn't think you'd give up the Navy, or Tomcats for anything." He says quietly. I nod.  
  
"Neither did I. Not until I did it for her. You're not the only one that would do anything for her." I tell him, risking a glance at him. He nods again.  
  
"I know it. Well, whichever one of us she chooses, I hope she's happy." He says. Nodding, I hold up my soda.  
  
"I'll drink to that." I say. Glancing at me, he raises his glass and we toast, then finish our drinks in silence.  
  
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AN 2: Thanks for reading. I don't know how long it will be until I can update it again, but I'll try to make it soon.  
  
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	3. It's Never Easy

The Next Day Harm's Apartment North of Union Station 0900 EST  
  
I didn't sleep a wink last night. After leaving Webb at McMurphy's, I came straight home and just sat, looking at a picture of her. I couldn't take my eyes off her, she looked so beautiful. Why didn't I just do something way back then, when things weren't so complicated?  
  
"You've really done it this time, Rabb." I mutter to myself, finally tearing my gaze away from the wall.  
  
I'd like to pretend that I'll be okay if she decides that she doesn't want me, but I honestly don't know if that's true. What if I break down, and completely lose it?  
  
"Oh God, Sarah. I need you." Rapping on the door breaks my concentration, but further eggs on the headache that's been brewing for the past few hours.  
  
"Coming!" I call out, getting up and glancing down at myself. I'm wearing exactly what I wore last night, but I don't care. Opening the door, I'm surprised to see Mac standing there. She's not in uniform, but rather in a pair of blue jeans and a blue long-sleeved sweater.  
  
"Hi." I say quietly, unable and completely unwilling to break eye contact with her. She looks me over and frowns slightly, but says,  
  
"Hi. Can I come in?" I nod, opening the door farther for her to come in. She does, but stands in my living room, turning around to look back at me.  
  
"So, what brings you here?" I ask her. Looking me over quickly, she gives me a small smile.  
  
"I have to talk to you." She says. Nodding, I sigh.  
  
"Okay." I mutter. Holding her head up high, she says,  
  
"I realize that it wasn't fair for me to just count you out, to say that nothing could ever work out between us...But I'm just so tired of all of this-this drama that goes on in our relationship. To say that I was surprised when you told me that you love me would be an understatement. You shocked me, confused me...I thought about it and I thought about it..." She sounds stressed out. Annoyance flares in my chest, out of nowhere.  
  
"Maybe if you would stop thinking so much, this wouldn't be so hard." I throw at her, watching her expression change in less than a second from fragile to pissed off.  
  
"What? You've got to be kidding me. You are the king of over-thinking this relationship. You are. This is the first time that I've ever had to take a second to think about us, and you're blaming our trouble on me?" Why does she sound so incredulous? She didn't have to run off with Webb.  
  
"Look, Mac. I love you, but you're not perfect. You didn't have to go running off with Webb and completely dismiss my efforts to get closer to you in Paraguay. You could have tried a little harder." I say. She looks disgusted with me.  
  
"I cannot believe you. Harm, you've been pushing me away for years, and now, you want me to just drop everything and fall into your arms, crying about how much I love you? It doesn't work that way." She retorts. A stab of something unpleasant shoots through me. I've got a horrible feeling about this conversation.  
  
"Mac, I'm not asking you to fall into my arms crying or whatever...I just-I want this to be easy. It should be easy, right?" I ask her. I don't think I'm asking for that much.  
  
"Harm, don't you understand, there's no way that this could ever be easy. Too much has happened between us, too many words have been said, or not said. Sometimes you have to fight for the things that are important to you." She tells me. A little voice in me heart tells me that she's right, but my analytical lawyer's mind stamps out the voice.  
  
"I know what this is all about. You just want people to want you. You're holding out, making this hard for everyone else because you like the attention. I mean, look! Webb would give his left nut to have you choose him over me. And apparently, the fact that I came crawling to your door even after all you said to me in Paraguay means that you're irresistable. But you're doing it all on purpose, aren't you? You're manipulating everyone." I sneer at her. She looks shocked, and suddenly so much angrier than before.  
  
"How dare you." She mutters, anger making her voice terse and dangerous. I don't know how it happens, but somehow, I completely lose control of what I'm saying.  
  
"How dare I? How dare you! You've shown me in the past few weeks that you're hypocritical and selfish, not to mention willing and able to ruin people's lives. Suddenly, I'm not so surprised that your mom didn't stick around when you were a kid." I spit at her. The words that I just said echo back to my ears, and I freeze. Did I just say that to her? Her jaw tightens.  
  
"I don't even know what I was thinking coming here, trying to reason with you. You are irrational, and pig-headed, and-" She begins, her voice low.  
  
"And what, Mac? And what? If you hate everything about me, then maybe you should leave. We'd both be better off." I spit out at her. Now I'm on a roll.  
  
"You want me to leave? Fine. I'll go. But this is the end of us, Harm. This is it. I can't do this anymore." She says. The finality of her words hits me in the chest like a sledgehammer, but I'm as sick of this as she is. I shrug, feigning indifference.  
  
"Fine. Go. But remember this. I tried. I tried and you wouldn't give. You ruined us." I tell her. She shakes her head, looks like she wants to fight, but then turns and quietly leaves my apartment.  
  
What have I done? Can I ever take back the words that I just said to her?  
  
God...  
  
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	4. Promises Conclusion

-------- From Chapter 3...  
  
"You want me to leave? Fine. I'll go. But this is the end of us, Harm. This is it. I can't do this anymore." She says. The finality of her words hits me in the chest like a sledgehammer, but I'm as sick of this as she is. I shrug, feigning indifference.  
  
"Fine. Go. But remember this. I tried. I tried and you wouldn't give. You ruined us." I tell her. She shakes her head, looks like she wants to fight, but then turns and quietly leaves my apartment.  
  
What have I done? Can I ever take back the words that I just said to her?  
  
God...  
  
--  
  
Chapter 4:  
  
The door clicks shut, jolting my consciousness. Did I just let her leave? She was here to fix things between us, to make everything all right. I turned her away.  
  
"No." My voice comes out weak and choked, hardly loud enough to echo through the empty apartment.  
  
Something inside of me snaps, and I feel a flood of regret, sorrow, for what I said to her. I told her that I understood why her mother had left her?  
  
Before I know what I'm doing, I burst out of my apartment and run down the stairs to the parking lot of the building. Skidding to a stop just outside the door, I barely avoid running into Mac's red Corvette, which is still parked there. Bending to look in the window, I see her slumped over the steering wheel, her shoulders shaking, tears falling from her beautiful eyes.  
  
Pain hits me like a cold knife in the stomach as I realize that I made her cry like that. Drawing in a deep, shuddering breath, I walk around the car and open the driver's door, getting down on my haunches to be eye level with her. She doesn't look at me, but stays leaned over the steering wheel, seemingly unaware of my presence.  
  
"Mac?" I say softly, in hopes of getting her to look at me. She doesn't, but stays where she is. My heart freezes when she speaks, her voice soft and broken.  
  
"You were right, Harm." She says, raising her head a little, not bothering to wipe the tears from her eyes. Frowning, I shake my head.  
  
"No, Mac. I wasn't right about anything I said in there." I say, my chest tight, aching at seeing her in this kind of pain.  
  
Finally looking at me, Sarah MacKenzie smiles the saddest, most heartbroken smile that ever appeared on this earth.  
  
"Harm, you and I are two of the most stubborn, difficult people on the face of the planet. I love you. I'm in love with you. But that doesn't seem to be making things work. I'm wondering now if we aren't too stubborn and difficult to work this out." She tells me. I shake my head.  
  
"No, Sarah. We're not. We're too stubborn and difficult to let this get away from us. You and I have something big, something that I know I'm not letting go of. Not ever. I need you. And I'm not letting my own stupidity and short temper ruin the only chance that I'll ever have at happiness." I say, spilling my guts with the hope of getting her back.  
  
"We've spent so much time pushing each other away...How do you know that it's going to work out? How do you know that we won't do that again?" She asks, her big brown eyes questioning me. I try a little smile for her.  
  
"I don't. But I do know that I'll do everything I can to make you happy, and I'll never break a promise to you, Sarah, ever. You can count on me." My heart is pounding so hard right now that it hurts. I can see a pulse point in her throat fluttering, I know that her heart is doing the same thing.  
  
"It's going to take me some time to believe...Can you wait for me?" Her voice is again small, weak. Nodding, I reach in and unbuckle her seatbelt, lifting her out of her car and into my arms.  
  
First, surprise registered in her amazing eyes. Now, it's trust. Clear and unquestioning trust.  
  
Closing the door of her car with my hip, I carry her into the building and up the stairs, to my apartment door that's still wide open. Kicking the door shut behind us, I take my love to the bedroom, gently placing her on the bed. Sun streams through the windows and golden highlights show up in her hair.  
  
She leans back, lying down and continuing to watch me. I stand at the foot of my bed and take her shoes off, kicking mine off also. Crawling onto the bed and taking her in my arms, I feel so at home.  
  
"I just want to hold you, Sarah." I whisper. She doesn't respond, but reaches one hand back and touches my cheek, allowing me to lean into her touch.  
  
"Never let go, Harm." She whispers back, her voice fading and her breathing coming steadily as she drifts off into a mid-morning sleep.  
  
"I promise, Sarah. I promise."  
  
I said that I would never break a promise to her, and I never will.  
  
--------End--------  
  
Author's Note: Sorry about the angsty stuff in chapter three, you guys. I should have warned you. It disheartened me a little to learn that some people have stopped watching the show altogether, because of the way that DPB was taking it. Never lose hope, they'll get it together someday. Thanks for reading my story, and for all the great reviews. Luv you guys.  
  
-ducktapedmoose  
  
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